Spring Break

I often wonder why exactly I went into music for my education degree. Two previous generations in my family have proved that elementary education has it's perks and downfalls like every other job and yet I chose music. And while I'm K-12 certified and could teach elementary music classes, which would be lots of fun, I don't have a strong vocal background. I sang in choir throughout high school and college and enjoyed it, but elem. music is completely vocal driven. I also didn't take more than the required one semester for elem. music and Jewell didn't offer any other classes for it that I know about. Add on top of that the fact that I student taught in a high school and middle school and in the end you have that I am not, in my opinion, qualified to teach elementary music. Also, considering that I'm instrumental I'm really not qualified to teach choir but I'm learning as I go and it's actually been an enjoyable experience.


Why do I mention all of this? Because the Friday before Spring Break, last Friday actually, we had been told budget cuts were unavoidable. That being said, jobs would need to be cut to make up for the loss of monies. Two weeks ago I was all sorts of freaked out. Our principal, who rarely deals with me, I am fairly certain dislikes me. I've never had a bad review, in fact they've all been great, I always do what I'm asked and I only complain when neccessary, when everyone else is complaining with me. Last week though, I stopped worrying and decided what happens happens. I can't control it, I should worry and if anything does happen it's probably for the best. My health has suffered greatly this year, with horrible migraine headaches. My patience is shot outside of school when dealing with normal sane minded human beings who decided to act like fools. And, my "teaching voice" which at my school is almost like a kindly sounding yell, is destroying my throat.

I, along with several good friends and colleagues, had theories about who would be let go. There are several questionable teachers, who are good people, but we're at a loss as to how they came into teaching. Also, because my best friend works there and seems to be the whipping boy or girl if you will, for our principal we thought she might be asked to leave. Although my theory was that because our fearless leader somehow just this year clued in that we're friends, even though I helped get my friend her job and we lived together last year, I figured one of the two of us would be asked to leave.

Friday was a very nervous day for me. To begin with my contact ripped so I was blind in one eye for half the day. Second, around 3rd hour, which is my plan period I got an email requesting a meeting with my principal after school. Scared I went to tell the art teacher, who went with my upstairs to talk to our principal right away. She was with a student so I was forced to wait, which only made me more of a nervous wreck. Walking back to my room I ran into our HR person and asked her to come speak to me in my room. Catie wandered down at the exact same time saying she had received an email as well. From here I basically had one of several melt downs. While our HR person had no clue about the emails and was pissed about that, she couldn't tell us any information. By 5th hour Catie had had her meeting and was at my door sobbing. They were regrettfully not renewing her contract next year, but greatly appreciated her service.

Having classes until the end of the day, I asked our art teacher or he offered to come up with me for my meeting. He volunteered to form the mob that followed though, with at least ten other teachers standing outside the door glaring in at our "leader" while she broke the news to me too. They regrettfully won't be renewing my contract but have greatly appreciated my service. When I asked why I was chosen I was told over and over again that it was budget cuts. Not that you suck, you numbers are bad, nothing except budget cuts. As I walked out I did say that at least being told a real reason would have helped, then I slammed the door and punched a window, which I'm not too certain didn't crack.

Having several days to think about where I go from here I'm scared. And I'm worried. I won't have health insurance after June and my last pay check comes at the end of July. I've worked hard this year to pay off debt, get current on payments and support myself. Not having lots of money at the end of a paycheck hasn't mattered because I've been current on bills and I've been paying things off. I've been supporting myself with the help of no one and I've even been saving money. I struggled to find a job in music after I graduated. I wasn't even hired for this one until 5 days before school started. I can't do that again. My boyfriend just bought a house and we've been planning on living together. I don't want to become a financial burden. I have two pets. I have $24,000 in student loans, $8,000 of which I was lucky to have put on deferment during the school year, which loan forgiveness applied to them. It was helpful. I can't get that again. At the end of the day I keep thinking why me? And why did I choose music?